Recognizing the Drama Kings and Queens in Your Life by Lisa Whatley

by Lisa Whatley - October 2005

We all have drama kings and queens in our lives. You know who they are! These are the people that enjoy creating drama or chaos. They thrive on stirring up conflict, adding fuel to the fire. They are in our families, they are in our friendships and they are in our workplaces. These are people that seek excitement and attention by playing the lead role in drama or what I like to call ‘me-ism.’ Have you ever noticed how the drama king or queen is always the focal point, playing the victim? You did this to ME! This happened to ME! It is YOUR fault! Poor ME! You have seen this before. We all have. The man in the restaurant who doesn’t get the right order and proceeds to get so loud that the entire restaurant notices, or the lady at the check out counter who is impatient and rude to the clerk because he is a new employee learning to run the cash register and is having a slow day, or the lovely mother-in-law that blows everything out of proportion so that she has some adventure in her life. The list of drama tactics is literally endless! The good news is, we all have choice. We do not have to play their games, to be sucked into their drama, their ‘me-isms.’

After you have been working so hard to lessen the drama in your life by creating peacefulness and calm, drama is very noticeable. It actually becomes very uncomfortable to be in the same space with dramatic people. You have to make a choice on whether you want to participate in the drama that is being created or be the silent observer. Being the silent observer means simply that. Observe without attaching any emotion to the situation. This is very difficult especially if it is coming from family members or loved ones. It is even more difficult when you are the object of the drama! Remember the one creating the drama is really projecting “it is all about ME.” In order not to be involved in their drama, one must consciously remember to not add fuel to their fire. Let them talk, rant, rave, blame or whatever they are projecting onto you, as ‘their’ silent observer. Remember this is THEIR stage, this is their play. They will try their best to suck you in by blaming you, it’s YOUR fault etc. Stand tall, holding your ground and listen. Just listen. No words. Listen. They will bait you by saying something about you, it will feel like a personal attack. That is what they are looking for, for you to play their game, for you to jump onto their stage and attack back! When you listen without adding any comments, what you are really doing is putting water on their fire. You see if you don’t add the fuel, there is no longer a fire! They have nothing to create drama with because there are no players! Drama kings and queens need players. They need fellow actors and actresses in order to play their lead role. By you choosing not to participate, they will have nothing to continue creating drama with. They will in all likelihood stop the drama and move onto another topic. It may however, be gossiping about someone but we can’t expect two miracles in one day! Drama people also create drama by using the poor me pity me routine. Again, this is all ‘me-isms.’ They will draw you into their ‘sad’ stories. They will not likely be attacking you, but they are looking for their fuel. They are looking for their fix. If you again simply listen with compassion as their silent observer, they will not get what they are looking for. One of two things will happen. They will look for someone else for their fix, or you will have empowered them to dig deep into the core of their own being for their own self-empowerment.

The Silent Observer…listens with compassion, changes the energy and brings peacefulness and calm into the situation. Are you a Peace Maker or a Me-ism? It’s only a choice, which do you choose?

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me.